Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil (Eph. 5:15-16).

All of us must examine our priorities when it comes to how we spend our time if we are to make the most of our days on earth. Our examination must also include the use of technology. Are we being “wise or unwise”? Are we making the “best use of the time”? To this end, consider how the internet is used and whether or not you are wasting or redeeming your time online.

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The wrongheaded nature of this counsel is revealed when we consider that the sole object in focus is the other individual in the relationship. At first glance this may seem like a pure fulfillment of the “Golden Rule” but let’s take a closer look. In Dr. Chapman’s model, the worth and feeling toward the object (the spouse) is the focus of the effort. The trajectory of this type of emotion-based teaching embraces feeling-oriented, creature-focused relationships that are not based on the truth of God’s Word. Simply put, Jesus never acted like this nor did any of his teachings pivot on a “you meet my needs I meet your needs” mentality. Although Dr. Chapman never puts it this bluntly, this is exactly what the dynamic entails. What we need today are truth-based relationships that then find ways of serving one another in creature-oriented expressions of love.

The key is that the priority of my creature-oriented expressions flow from the worship and honor of the Creator first and the creature second. Notice the distinction. I totally believe that I am to pursue my wife’s “love languages,” but I do so out of reverence for Christ and His Lordship. I am called to love my wife, my kids, and everyone else in this way precisely because it is the right thing to do according to God’s Word. I am commanded to do this even when my wife or my kids or anyone else for that matter doesn’t fill my “love tank” and, frankly, may not even like me at any given moment. So, while I would encourage anyone to learn and employ their “love language”, do so out of reverence for Christ and then for the good of your marriage. In this way the Holy Spirit will exalt Christ in your life and bring balance and health to your relationship(s).

The Holy Spirit loves to empower a Christ-centered relationship. But know this, the Holy Spirit will be quenched when a person cherishes a creature’s “love-tank” over the commandment to love given by our Creator. On the other hand, the Holy Spirit has been given preciously to aid us in the cherishing of Jesus in how we think and live as we employ resources like, “The Five Love Languages.” I don’t want to eliminate the use of these types of incredible resources I just want to make sure they are used in the right priority. If we don’t get the first-things-first then the second things lose there effectiveness to truly reform and we begin to slouch toward idolatry – putting the desires of the creature over the Creator.

Pastor Pat sent me an article this morning in which Justin Taylor cites David Powlison (buy everything he writes!) on this very subject. I couldn’t agree more and thought you would find this extended article very helpful. Be sure to download the original article by David Powlison as well.

First, consider the life-focus that Jesus had that served as a backdrop for all of His decisions:

“I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; he can only do what His Father is doing.” John 5:19

“By Myself I can do nothing,…I seek not to please myself but Him who sent me.” John 5:30

“When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am the one I claim to be and that I do nothing on my own…for I always do what pleases Him.” John 8:28-29

“For I did not speak on my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it…so whatever I say is what the Father has told me to say…” John 12:49-50; (c.f. 7:16;10:25;14:10; 17:7)

Jesus made choices in life based on the desires of Father-God. Therefore, all of the actions of Jesus can be categorized as being “true.” Everything that Jesus did had the highest spiritual and moral quality so as to be completely right (or, “righteous”) for each situation. Yet Jesus, being fully human, experienced the full spectrum of emotions and feelings that we have. So, how did the truth and human feelings converge in perfect harmony in the life of Jesus?

For the sake of discussion let’s try to boil down all of life into four categories that Jesus experienced and that each of us will experience as well. The categories that fit this description are: God, Family, Friends, and a Job (for those older) or School (for those younger). In each of these categories of living Jesus always prioritized pleasing the Father (doing what is right or true) over human feelings. This doesn’t mean Jesus didn’t have strong feelings (see *note). It means that in the life of Jesus truth and feelings worked together like a orchestra under the direction of a conductor. The relationship between truth and feelings is analogous to an orchestra playing from the same sheet music written by the composer. The sheet music represents what is true while our feelings function like a conductor giving unique emphasis and providing a level of coordination between musicians. When the orchestra plays the music before them it will have variations depending on the style of the conductor. The conductor may emphasize a particular section of the music based on his interpretation of the piece or he may emphasis a certain section of his orchestra due to the proficiency of a particular musician or a group musicians. Regardless of what a conductor can influence, the foundation and fundamental performance of the symphony will be judged based on how well the musicians played the music written by the composer.

In short (I hope my analogy was not more confusing than helpful), Jesus experienced all the varied feelings of humanity (represented by the role of the conductor) yet never deviated from the sheet music written for Him by the Father. More importantly, Jesus’ feelings never dictated what was the true and the right to do (e.g. The wilderness temptation, His betrayal, His arrest, the “judicial” proceeding before Caiaphas and Pilate, Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, The Crucifixion, etc.). Jesus actually countered His feelings and emotions with what He knew to be the true desire of His Father (“…your will be done”). In this way, the emotions Jesus felt were harnessed by the truth Jesus believed and the Person Jesus trusted. The same model is to be our blueprint for sanctification today.

Therefore, in our lives, we also need to make sure we vent our emotions but never at the expense of what is the right thing to do given what God’s Word says. God’s Word provides us with a reservoir of truth from which we instruct our feelings in all areas of life. We allow truth to wash over us and create a reality that is informed by God’s perspective and was modeled perfectly by Jesus. The following diagram represents this dynamic with the added dimension of the influence of the Devil and the World (I John 2:16).

*In Mark 3:5, Jesus is being set up by the religious leaders of the day and they use a man to try and give vent to their malice of heart: “And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.”
When it says that Jesus “looked around at them with anger” it means Jesus swept around the room looking deeply into the eyes of the religious leaders and was mad! The word used to describe the anger of Jesus is orgē (ὀργη). It is a type anger that is directed toward people who violate the just desires of God (c.f. Matt. 18:34). This type of anger is from God because it affirms His holy standard. The religious leaders do not care for this poor man they simply want to use him to catch and condemn Jesus. If Jesus would not have felt anger at thewretched actions of the religious leaders, he would have ceased to be the Holy One sent from God. We cannot love good and not hate evil. The hating of evil surfaces the emotion of anger against evil. A.T. Robertson quotes Gould as saying; “Anger against wrong as wrong, is a sign of moral health.” Wuest, K. S. Wuest’s word studies from the Greek New Testament.

We serve an amazing God! To provide for our eternal salvation and to give us a representation of Himself in Jesus?! Simply amazing. Look to the Son for understanding for He is God’s chosen object of affection through which the Father’s love is expressed to us who believe.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

Here are the free download links:

On Being Prepared for Suffering and Evil: Part 1

On Being Prepared for Suffering and Evil: Part 2

In addition, Dr. Carson has published an extensive treatment on the subject in his book How Long, O Lord?: Reflections on Suffering and Evil. I’m only a few chapters in, but it is off to a fantastic start—I highly recommend it for any thoughtful Christian seeking a Biblical understanding of how God’s sovereignty interacts with human pain and suffering.